Every August I take some time alone to write out my plans, dreams, goals and the like for the coming school year. Years ago I would go away for a night and get my home-school lesson plans done at the same time. But since the kids are older and I’m no longer homeschooling, two or three hours of uninterrupted thinking and talking out loud to God is about all I need.
I thought I was going to have that time today while the kids were at a movie. But one thing led to another and time ran out. It’s my own fault, but I’m okay with it. I did get to spend that time with an old friend.
After visiting with my friend I decided to get my notebook out and perhaps start a title page for my goals. At least I would have a head start when the next opportunity arises.
I flipped through my old notebook (one of many I keep handy) and read some of my past entries, my notes to myself. I saw Keeping it real timeline, Own me lists, Fishing village, and Never been tested. My favorite is I draw question with a volcano and hearts with arrows drawn under it. Clearly, I don’t use complete thoughts, sentences, or grammar when I write notes to myself.
On one page there was an interesting circular diagram – arrows going from right to left, like a diagram of the life cycle of a butterfly. Except this was a diagram of some pattern of behavior I wasn’t happy with. None of it makes sense to me now, mostly because I can’t read my writing. And also because of the reasons I mentioned above – I write crappy notes to myself.
Own me lists? Was I trying to sound Cockney or was it just a goof? Fishing village? What the heck is that supposed to mean? I hope it wasn’t important.
But there was one sentence I could make out clearly, and when I read it I realized I didn’t need to spend two to three hours working out my goals and plans for this year. It was all right there. Find rest in God.
I felt such a rush of peace when I read those words. Find rest in God. In what area of my life is that not a good idea?
Family? Find rest in God.
Health? Find rest in God.
Future? Find rest in God.
I need rest. I need rest from problem solving every minute of my life. I need rest from trying to keep up with a culture that moves too fast for me. I need rest from worrying about the future, and what shape I’m going to be in it. I need rest.
God has spoken.
So I opened my notebook to a blank page, wrote out the date and my goal for the next year. I hope I’ll be able to read my writing the next time I flip through that notebook. And maybe one day, I’ll know what Fishing village means.