I have been avoiding my favorite online journaling site 750words.com. I have been avoiding my spiral notebooks and scrap paper. I have even been avoiding my blog. Why? Because they scare me.
What will happen (as is happening right now) is I will sit down to write. I may not have anything in particular in mind, I may just be brain dumping. But I will write. And if I do it often enough eventually something will come to me that excites me. And when I am excited, I have to share it.
No, you don’t understand, I have to share it.
It’s no good saying “write it and keep it to yourself.” I’m not built that way. Yes, I can keep highly personal things to myself. And the things I write that may hurt somebody usually don’t get aired. (Usually). But the rest of the stuff, oh, it’s going out there.
So why is this a bad thing?
I am wired for deep communion and privacy, approval and full-disclosure expression. Contradictory things that when brought together can create an interesting salad of emotions.
The recipe goes like this: Write, get excited, share, walk away, do something else, feel exposed, feel regret, add oil and vinegar, gently stir and serve.
I’m a little weary from the whole thing. Does this process confirm that I should not be writing and sharing? Or does it only mean that I will have to pay a little emotionally when I do? I would like an answer please.
I’m serious. I would.