stream of consciousness on a Friday afternoon – Take 2

All my youth is gone. I saw it. I saw it missing.
I snapped the pictures waiting for him.
I was dressed and ready. Cleaned up and powdered, as they say.
Then I played back the pictures, and I don’t recognize the
woman.
She is droopy. Her face isn’t quite right. The eyes are puffy. The skin is loose. Her neck is all wrong. She looks severe.
But I thought she was happy? Isn’t love supposed to keep you young?
Young, in some ways, I suppose. But time is coming on strong. Stronger.
I’m aging rapidly. And all my youth is gone.

How vain does is sound to lament it?
When will I reach that point that I say,
“I love me and all my wrinkles just the way I am!”
Well, “just the way I am” will only last about a month.
Then I’ll be drooped a little more.
And aging. Always aging.

I’m going to have to find something else to celebrate.
Something other than the visual, the physical, the temporary.

Hold on.
I’ve never been a beauty
But I have been young. And when that goes,
you feel the loss, because it is a loss.
No apologies for grief.

Though greater griefs
and joys
hold my focus most every day-
Except when I pause
and glance back at tired eyes.

But that other thing
that I’m going to focus on
that will help me be happy
and grateful
while living in this body on this planet.

Those things.

Today, health. But that is temporary as well,
Though I can celebrate what works today.

Wealth. Not crazy wild wealth,
but enough that I don’t worry whether my family
will eat tomorrow.
That is wealth.

My family. So much love.
What else is so wonderful?

My Father God. Even more love.
Even more wonderful.

Joy. Giddiness. Silliness.
Arms to hold, hands to hold,
people to celebrate, to grieve, to forgive.

So much beauty out of my window,
So much beauty beneath my feet,
over my head.
More beauty than I could ever hold
in a youthful body
A youthful body that kept waking up.

Thank you, Father.
Thank you for each new day.

“The grass withers, the flower fades, But the word of our God stands forever. ”  Isaiah 40:8

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

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