I woke up feeling overworked and underpaid.
I walked downstairs (first one up) and saw a pile of folded clothes, whose owners have yet to carry to their rooms, the dishwasher full – but not run, a huge pile of laundry yet to be done – even though I was caught up yesterday morning, unfinished kitchen cabinets, a yard full of leaves….
My chest got tight and I found the words, “I have do everything around here,” running through my mind.
My first thought was to go on strike. Fix your own #!@* dinner! Or whatever. My second thought was what my husband and I often remind ourselves of, “We are not victims.” The situation I am in now is because of decisions I have made in the past – perhaps too many yes’s and not enough no’s. I needed to assess today’s situation and make a plan. Because I will not walk around feeling resentful and helpless. I am not a victim.
So I wrote out a math problem on the back of a grocery list:
1 Happy Mommy + ALL THE DANG STUFF I DO AROUND HERE = 1 Grumpy Mommy
(I would factor in hormones, but I don’t do higher math)
The solution is simple really. I need to ask for help. I suck at asking for help, which is why I found myself feeling overworked and underpaid. My decision not to ask for help yesterday is why I was feeling like a victim today.
Sometimes evaluating my feelings reminds me of my committments. If I start to feel pissy about driving my son to gymnastics 5 days a week, I have to remind myself that I am not a victim. I chose to do this. I agreed to support him in his sport. My butt might get tired sitting in the car, but I am not “stuck doing it”. It is part of the plan. And I will do it without grumbling, because grumbling is really just passive aggressive BS anyway. (Grumbling = You should feel bad for making me do this.)
But sometimes when I evaluate a situation that is making me feel like a used up kleenex I find that maybe I am taking on too much, or, I really am being asked to do more than I want to. But guess what? It’s not the fault of the people asking. People can ask anything they want, only you can decide whether to do it. You are not a victim.
But in the case of taking on too much, let’s change this morning’s equation:
1 Happy Mommy + (ALL THE DANG STUFF I DO AROUND HERE + Asking For Help) = 1 Happy Mommy
(In that ALL THE DANG STUFF I DO AROUND HERE is equal to +1 and Asking For Help is equal to -1)
Hey. The numbers don’t lie.