More stuff no one told you before you remarried.

I have a new name. It’s sinking in. And what I’m discovering is that there’s more to getting a new name than learning how to sign it on checks or remembering to say it correctly when making a phone call. There’s even more to it than making it legal at the Social Security Office and DMV. It’s much weirder than that.

The big deal is the freaky identity crises that follows.

Maybe “identity crises” is a bit dramatic. But there is a very real mental reconciliation I have to work out when I see my old name written down, and when hear my new name called out: They are both me.

Aren’t they?

True, my old name reminds me of some sad things, but there were also some very good things. I liked me then. I made me laugh. I was a good mom. I liked Alice Hudson.

The new me? Well, I like me now, too. But there is something new happening – I’m in a new relationship that absolutely will change me in some ways. Am I going to like Alice Wall in fifteen years? Will I still be a good mom?

(And yes, my children still have half my DNA, thank you very much.)

To be honest, this was one of the aspects of remarriage that I really didn’t think about. “Of course I’ll take my husband’s name. What’s the big deal?”

As I said, the big deal of a new name isn’t the hassles of teaching an old Alice new tricks. It’s the very real line in your life of “before and after”. Yes, I was me then, and I’m me now. But life moves forward and very soon I’ll be writing my new name without even thinking about it, just as fluently as I did before. I just need to get better at making W’s.

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One Response to More stuff no one told you before you remarried.

  1. Richard says:

    This is what, what you said made me feel, so I could be wrong!!

    When you left home it was a line drawn, there was a before and after, but they are your folks, you can visit, heck if things turned out real bad you could probably even go back and live there until you got straight again.

    But this line cannot be crossed again, it is finished, there is no going back, that door is definitely closed. Any security you had built up then, you are now facing a brand new start and you don’t know where you are going. You had a lifetime as a Hudson, (Audrey’s at least!!) that’s long enoygh to know who you are and where you want to go. But you’ve had moments as a Wall,

    I feel too old for new adventures, I’m ready to settle down, I still have adventures but the adventures I like are challenges to mind and emmotion, I can do that sitting in my front room!! Who knows where a new life will take me? I wont change my name, but I may change a lot else!!

    Yesterday I spoke on discipleship and how we need to sit down and decide whether we are willing to give up the things we may have to if we follow Him, afterwards, it occurred to me that God doesn’t settle for failure, does He cause some to lose what they are not willing to give up until they learn to let go?

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