Someone asked me about the process of becoming less passive. Less passive. That’s a funny term when you think about it. It sounds like “be less less”. Okay, let’s go with that.
Two things stand out as extremely helpful on my journey of being less less. (There are many more things than just these two, but these stand out at the moment.) They are:
Let others feel the weight of you and Find where you end and others begin.
The first, “Let others feel the weight of you” was said to me by a pastor friend. What the heck does that mean? I’m not sure. That is, I’m not sure what it was suppose to mean, but it means a great deal to me.
When I was a little girl (stick skinny and shy) my dad would sometimes hold me close to him on the couch. I would immediately stiffen up, because … well, I don’t know why… but I did. Of course staying stiff straight for more than a few minutes is going to cause even more discomfort, but I didn’t dare squirm, because then… well I don’t know what then… but in my mind, I had better sit still and not settle in.
The “not settling in” feeling stayed with me a long time, through many years. Someone would hug or hold me and I would get close, but didn’t particularly like to settle in. I didn’t want to be too heavy for someone’s lap or to bony for their arms.
I have to say this wasn’t always the case, but often. I could always settle in on the couch with my sisters and my children and such. It would feel as right as rain.
But with others less safe, I tried to keep my weight off of them.
“Let others feel the weight of you”. I’ve taken it quite literally. If someone is going to hold me, they are going to hold every pound. I like it. I’m sure the true meaning behind the phrase has more to do with letting others know you are in the room. Be yourself and if your needs/wants/thoughts rub against others, then let it rub.
The second, “Find where you end and others begin” was told to me by my marriage counselor. Wow, that phrase is huge. It’s anything from letting other people’s bad behavior in public have nothing to do with you (no shame on you for their sin), to realizing I’m not responsible for anybody’s (ANYBODY’S) happiness. That’ll take the shackles off ya, let me tell you.
Those two things have been, and still are, very helpful. I’m grateful to those who shared them with me. Maybe they’ll do a little something for you.
Happy being less less!
Or flip it to ‘being more more’! 🙂